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本帖最后由 liu48175962 于 2012-4-20 13:56 编辑
如何经营你的婚姻？ 1、Make your relationship a priority. 要把婚姻放在首要位置。
结婚以后，双方要达成共识，把自己的配偶摆在第一位，这是建立稳固关系的出发点。
The mental shift from me to we can be startling: You’re a team—responsible to someone else in a new and profound way. Claudia Arp, who with her husband, David, founded Marriage Alive International and co-authored marriage books including 10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage, comments, “We see a lot of husbands and wives who never, ever reprioritize their relationship after marriage. They’re still entwined with their family of origin, putting their parents and siblings first. Or they’ve been on their own for years and don’t realize that their friends or job or other interests no longer take precedence. You need to be able to say ‘My spouse comes first.’ This is your anchor relationship. If you establish this now, it will be easier to hold on to when life becomes more complicated later in your marriage.”
2、Create couples rituals.相敬如宾
沟通、金钱管理以及健康的情绪是决定婚姻质量的最重要的三个方面。夫妻双方要有共同的兴趣爱好，以及都能接受的沟通方式。
Establishing a healthy boundary around your union isn’t always easy: When University of California, Los Angeles, researchers interviewed 172 newlywed couples, problems with in-laws and other relatives ranked with communication, money management, and moodiness as top challenges. Do something regularly that bonds you, such as 10 minutes to chat before bed, always having morning coffee together, listening to music, or saving Saturday for date night. Give yourself permission to cocoon.
3、Check in daily. 每日一省
每天抽出几分钟来交谈，你们会发现自己轻松愉快很多。
Marriage experts recommend couples do something that big business has employed for decades to keep workers happy, productive, and in the loop: hold regular team meetings. Luckily, yours will be more fun than listening to Bob from accounting go over the last month’s sales numbers. One version of the daily check-in helps couples keep communication flowing freely with an agenda.
4、Ask: Is it good for our relationship? 时常问自己：这个决定对我们的婚姻有何影响？
当你做出一个决定时，不要只考虑这个决定对个人有不有好处，而是权衡它对婚姻的利弊。
When you bump up against any important decision in your marriage, don’t just talk about whether it’s good for you and for your spouse. Make it a point to talk about and think about whether it’s good for your marriage. “You’ll know the answer almost intuitively if you stop and ponder it,” Dr. Love notes. This may come down to how much time something will take away from your time together, whether it will make things stressful between you, or if it involves people who in some way threaten your relationship (lunch with your ex, for example). If you don’t even want to ask the question, that’s a red flag that whatever it is—from working late to “surprising” your spouse with an expensive new living room sofa to making individual plans on your usual date night—isn’t going to be good for your marriage.
5、Create a code word for love. 创造爱的密码
寻找属于你们之间独有的表达爱意的方式，不止是“我爱你”这类的话语哦。
Remember the elementary school joke about “olive juice” — say this silly phrase, and your mouth automatically makes the same movements as when you say “I love you.” Find a secret way to express your love that only the two of you understand. It comes in handy if your spouse calls when the boss is standing beside your desk, and creates that “just us” feeling anytime you use it.
6、Build healthy boundaries. 保留适当的空间
二人世界不要过于封闭，留出适当的空间与家人朋友联系，但是不要让他们过多干预你们的生活。
Marriages need what experts call a semi-permeable boundary that allows friends and family to connect with you but that doesn’t interfere with your own desires and plans. This can be especially complicated when it comes to your families of origin.
7、Cheer each other on. 经常互相赞美
好伴侣是夸出来的。
“One of the most important things to me is that my wife, Rebecca, is for me and I’m for her,” says Lee Potts, a retired computer programmer from St. Louis, Missouri. “It sounds simplistic, but it’s really important. I’ve been married twice before, and I don’t think we had each other’s best interests at heart like this. We had our own agendas.”
8、Disconnect from the 24/7 office. 下班后别把工作带回家
Heavy use of cell phones and devices can mute your happiness and dial up stress in your home, University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee researchers found recently. The study tracked the technology use and moods of 1,367 women and men for two years. Those who sent and received the most calls and messages were also most likely to say that this “work spillover” left them tired and distracted at home. “Technology is really blurring the lines between home and work,” says lead researcher Noelle Chesley, an assistant professor of sociology at the university. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It may give you more flexibility. But your boss doesn’t tend to call you with the good news—you don’t hear that you’ve done a great job on the project; you do hear that suddenly there’s a deadline crisis.” Setting limits could lift on-call stress: Check e-mail once in the evening. If a call’s not urgent, muster the courage to say, “I’ll look into it first thing in the morning.” And simply turn off your cell phone or laptop at a certain time in the evening.
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发表于 2012-4-20 13:13:27
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发表于 2012-4-20 13:56:40
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